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In The Name Of Jesus

By Henri J.M Nouwen

"I also came to see that I should see that I should not worry about tomorrow, next week, next year, or the next century. The more willing I was to look honestly at what I was thinking and saying and doing now, the more easily I would come into touch with the movement of God's Spirit in me, leading me to the future. God is a God of the present and reveals to those who are wiling to listen carefully to the moments in which they live the steps they are to take toward the future."

oh how this is the prayer of my life.

if you're in Christian Leadership. i strongly suggest picking up a copy of this book.

who am i before the Lord?

im well into week two of training at Mount Hermon. Funny thing is exhaustion hit me super early this year. i can barely stay awake...and yet im up until good past midnight. oh camp life. my "life" list has been replaced by "camp" lists...consisting of when i eat. when i sleep. where im sleeping this week (im moving into the yuckiest place this week...goodness....) camp is a different experience. and until you go through it...you dont really have any grasp of what its like. its beautifully messy...i guess.

we, as a program staff, have decided to have a "reflection" time instead of a "testimony" time. the beauty of that is...we get to speak of our hopes and Gods victories in our life...but the main question we're asked is who am i before the Lord. So if Jesus walked in right now...who are you...what would you do?

im having a lot of problem defining that question...maybe in the way its worded...or maybe how bold it is. and yet for some reason...the way i see myself before the Lord is grasping soo tight to his leg. Like a child would do when fearful and afraid and not wanting to be left by their parent. i see that in me. I am clinging soo tight to Jesus because i have a relationship with him. a steady-stead fast love relationship. and i dont want anything to come in the way. but selfishly so...where im not letting anyone or anything else in.

i've decided my goal for the summer is to cling soo tight to Jesus...with one arm....but with the other exted it to places i've not been before. to people, to jobs, to children...

and im soo fearful and soo vulnerable...because i know the Lord gives and takes away. and i know what its like to have loss and pain...and i selfishly dont want to go there again. i want to be able to smile all the time and be okay.

i know the Lord uses you in weakness...and im trying to learn not to be afraid...but for now...i am going to cling to Jesus so tightly...and thats all i have to give.

Psalm 62:1-2

My soul finds rest in God alone

my salvation comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation

he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

im home?!?

Isaiah 2:22
Stop trusting in man
who has but breath in his nostrils,
of what account is he?

i went to prayer mountain of the world today (yes...of the WORLD..haha) its beautiful there. mostly it was good to get away from camp chaos. Praise God for taking my fear and giving me an overall peace of where im at...and where im going.


anyway. i know this is a short update. i have not had much sleep and have eaten too much camp food thus far. :)


p.s. i want to use this time at Mount Hermon to explore lighting effects. i cant wait. i have an artistic vision again. YEEEAAHHH

so im still learning how to savor my camera. and how to work it. sorry these arent the best. anyway. i hope reno is doing well....and i miss everyone dearly. especially these three...