moving - coming soon

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined."

-Thoreau

I have decided today that a permanent change of scenery would not be so bad. and yes...grass is still grass wherever you go...but i need to be wildly passionate about adventures. thats what i'm made for.

real life - idaho edition

i hate being told to enjoy someones last moments of life. as if...i can just turn off the fact that he is so sick and be okay. I came here knowing it would be hard-all around. but seeing him, and enjoying him, is so difficult. I cant help but think everyone is busy being "normal" with him...when in all actuality we should be more focused on what is going on. i dont know...because another part of me feels like this is what he would want - us coming together and enjoying our time. so far so good.

Last night i had the most wonderful conversation with my cousin justin, even though he was a tad bit on the drunk side. but i really...REALLY enjoyed that moment. he's such a hardass and seeing him upset was really...different.

its a lot all at once - to find out grandma has lung cancer and papa brain and liver cancer. I get frustrated over wasted time, over not visiting enought, over missing out on oppertunities with them. I get mad even here for not taking the time to sit with them and steal their attention. and i know everyone keeps telling me i cant change the past - whatever. doesnt make me want it any less.

i know papas stubborn. and a fighter. but there is only so much will your mind has over your body...and years of mistreatment and neglect catch up very fast. so i wish my family would stop acting like this isnt real. stop pretending he isnt dying. just stop...and be real. for once.

im supposed to be starting school tomorrow. i know i told christy i would try to relax...but its getting to me. and the fact that i'm not going to have worked a full week is also stressing me out. knowing i am going to have to come back out here sometime in the next 8 weeks to mourn also stresses me out. i dont know what to do. i am trying to take this just one day at a time...but i feel so weak.
so freaking defeated.

i come home in a week. hopefully sometime within this week i will be able to just sit and enjoy. sit and be. sit and relax.

thank you to everyone who has poured countless amounts of encouragement and support my way. this is going to be a rough semester, and although i never ask for it enough. i really need some help getting through all of this.

im over this.

this week has officially sucked all the life out of me.

i start school next week. maybe i'm stressed about that...maybe it sucks that i've only seen my bf a couple hours this week. maybe its because NOTHING...and i mean nothing has gone right.

but today. on top of my car getting hit this week. on top of me starting a second job this week to cover raising tuition prices. on top of not getting enough sleep.

i found out my grandpa has brain cancer. yep. not to mention its spreading. ohh and they had to rush him in for surgery because of it all. and we're probably going to have to make an emergency trip up to idaho which is unfortunate because SCHOOL STARTS AND I CANT AFFORD RENT WITHOUT WORKING. freaking piss.

WHATEVER WEEK! i hate you! stupid stupid stupid week. GRRRR!



i freakin give up. life is going to forever kick my ass. I GIVE UP.

so. im a sucker for jessica simpson

honestly. her country song is fantastic...and i quite literally hated her pop songs.

kinda sounds like she found her spot.

but. her music videos...still suck.

so i bought a picture frame from targets dollar section. yes. this mirror cost a dollar. anyway. i decided to mod podge it.

then i decided. why stop there. it can be a functional mirror. so i took these little white hooks and screwed them into the bottom, so that way i can hold my jewelry.

and then i found these little circle mirrors and added them to the side. overall i am totally satisfied with this mirror. it became something from absolute nothing.

and it quite literally only cost me a buck.

the picture is not the highest quality. you'll have to stop by my apt to see it.

ohsnap. this is on the button my friends

You Are An ENFJ

The Giver You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed. Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections. Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down. You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine. In love, you are very protective and supporting. However, you do need to "feel special" - and it's quite easy for you to get jealous. At work, you are a natural leader. You can help people discover their greatest potential. You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist. How you see yourself: Trusting, idealistic, and expressive When other people don't get you, they see you as: Bossy, inappropriate, and loud

What's" Your Personality Type?