for far too long

for far too long, i have carried this indescribable weight on my shoulders. i have prayed and prayed and prayed, and i thought my pride was just getting in the way of seeing the "big picture"

only to find out that...i do see the big picture. i really do.

i will never understand why people chose to tear me down, and over something so simple that truthfully, does not involve them, even the tiny tiniest bit. i am who i am. he is who he is. and we work, in a wayyy better functioning relationship than most i see supported with open arms and stupid giggles.

i have never felt the least bit guilt, or shame, or doubt in him - i only doubted myself, because others made me feel like i should. and now i get it, that my love for him is not based on status quo, or the hope that he'll fix my problems, its not his religious beliefs, or how sexy he looks in underwear, its not the idea of a double income, or the "perfect" wedding...its this real, conscious love that we have for eachother that is worth it. and i no longer feel like i have to doubt myself.

and though it hurts like hell all of the time that i dont receive the same hooplah from the people who i once looked up to and respected the most, i'm kinda just over it, because i have been carrying this burden for far too long now - so its time to pass the torch. now you can carry the burden of being the person who left me alone, instead of sharing in my joy with me in my adventure of finding love.